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Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

Book

I just realized that I haven’t blogged in over 2 years!!!   I have been musing over the idea of writing a book…actually, NOT!!  I have a dear friend who has said to me many times, “Princi, you have a book in you.”  I would love to be able to sit down and let words run from my fingertips like cool water tripping over rocks in a refreshing brook and invite people to drink from the wisdom that shows up.  BUT…I don’t and have blocked myself for the last couple of years of even doing a simple blog.  Until today.  I had another very dear friend say, “Why not?” and the face of my fifth grade teacher appeared before my tearing eyes…tears that utterly surprised me!  I, in that memory, sat in her class eagerly waving my hand to answer another of her thousand questions. Mrs. Kaiser looked at me and said, “Princi, put your hand down.  Let someone else speak.”  In other words…”No one wants to hear what you have to say” or even worse, “You’re just trying to be a ‘know-it-all’…and NO ONE likes a ‘No-it-all’!!!”

Awwww…so THAT’S what those stinging tears were remembering!!!  I have recalled that moment so many times before, but never with the deep emotion evoke by Mrs. Kaiser’s re-imagined face today.  The remembrance of her that I retold most was the time when asked of the class, “And what did you do this summer?”  I energetically and very passionately pulled out the dirty, worn wooden bathroom key that I pilfered from a backwoods gas station in Arkansas with the word “Colored” poorly scrawled in peeling paint professing, “Do you believe they actually have separate bathrooms for Negroes?”

Mrs. Kaiser’s indignation was immediately apparent as she ushered me to my seat saying, “We don’t talk about those things here.”   Once again implying “No one wants to hear what you have to say!!!”   AWWWWG…once again, keep your mouth shut and behave.

Needless to say, I’ve kept a lot to myself.  I once wanted to speak up at church when the Detroit Archdiocese was closing urban churches. I sat with the words churning in my stomach wanting to burst forth like a flood.  The urge to say what I was hearing in my heart seemed to come from somewhere beyond me.  But, I was terrified to speak and choked on the words.  Under my breath I asked for help and God told me, “Your heart may be in your throat, but when you speak the truth in love, My Word is in your mouth.”

So today…I am allowing myself to speak.  I desire to be able to say what Jesus said in so many words…”I don’t speak for myself…I speak what I hear my Father say.”  I am grateful for any opportunity to speak love and wisdom trusting that the words will reach the ear and heart of anyone who needs to hear.  Maybe one day it will become a BOOK.

Thank you, Cynthia and Sharon, for encouraging me!!

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STORIES ABBA TOLD… BUYING ELEPHANTS

It was about 1990, shortly after my father died…he passed on March 4th…that I began to have regular conversations with God. Early in the morning before my sons stirred to grab the new day, I would sit and “talk” in the Spirit…I mostly talk at first and then I learned to listen. Actually, learning to listen was one of my major Spirit lessons. When I began blogging more than 10 years later, I referred to my lessons as “Spirit Whisperings”.

One morning, while complaining about the plight of my marriage…not an unusual situation since I was not in a healthy, loving marriage…the Father began telling me stories. The first story was about a young girl who lived in a forest in the company of her animal friends. It was an incredible experience “hearing” God spin wonderful tales to illustrate practical wisdom and insight. I’ll tell that story later. The following story was much more important…only because I have gotten the URGE to put it on paper and I MUST write it down.

In response to my dismay and confusion about the ending of my marriage to a nice Canadian French man who just would not work…never held a job for more than a couple years …actually not more than 6 months at a time…I went crying to my Father God and he told me this story.

   “My dear Princi,” He said in a soft, resonate voice, “Consider this:
There was once a young woman like yourself who watched with
consummate admiration women beautifully dressed in elegant silks of
royal blue, ermine yellow, ruby reds, teals and all shades of dazzling
color.   They had elephants who, like themselves, were arrayed with
majestic headdresses and back saddles and coverings of mind-dazzling
colors. Some of th women walked next to their elephants, some rode
high on their backs, some even  carried their elephants and then put
them down and climbed upon their backs. You were enthralled with
the beauty and majesty of such elegance and grace.”

“I’ll have my own elephant,” you decided and off to the elephant store
you went! You entered the elephant store, eyes wide and heart full of
expectation. “I’ll take that one,” you said pointing to a handsome white
elephant sitting quietly in the corner or the store. “But that one is lame,” exclaimed the store owner. “No problem,” you replied, “ I am strong and I can teach the elephant to walk.” You dropped your coins on the counter and picked up the heavy elephant. Carrying him out of the store, the elephant discovered the peanuts in your back pocket and began to happily munch on them.

You walked for quite a distance carrying your beautiful elephant. After a while, you tired and said to the elephant, “Elephant, you must get down. I’m too tired to carry you now.” The elephant slipped down from your shoulders and began to walk beside you. Day and night and another day passed and you turned to the elephant and asked, “I’m tired, Elephant. Bend down so I can climb onto your back and ride for a while.”

“Oh, no,” exclaimed the elephant with a quiver in his voice. “I’m much too lame…my legs hurt too much to have you ride me. I can’t carry you, yet. Actually, I was going to ask you to carry ME for a while.” So up on your shoulder Elephant climbed and off you went carry your beautiful companion.

Many days and nights passed and your became very tired once again. “Elephant,” you said. “You must climb down. I’m exhausted and cannot carry you any longer.” So down he came and quietly walked beside you for many more days and nights. Once again you asked, “Elephant, are you feeling strong enough to carry me now. I’m so very tired of walking.”

“Oh, no,” exclaimed the elephant with a fearful tone. “I’m afraid that I would stumble and fall if I had you on my back. I am not strong enough to carry you. My legs are weak and my back hurts. Actually, I really need you to carry me for a while. If you help me now, in time I will be strong and able to carry you.”

So, once again, Elephant climbed up on your shoulders and off you trotted. You walked for many days and nights and finally came to the crest of a hill. At the foot of the hill in a deep, lush valley, was a glowing crystal city. It glimmered of gold and emerald green…the light enveloped the sky and shimmered with promise. You turned to the elephant and said, “Elephant, I must leave you here and go on alone.”

“Why,” asked the elephant distressfully.

“Because you are heavy and I cannot carry you any longer. I must go on by myself.” And off you went leaving the elephant standing in the shadows behind you.

At the end of the story, I turned to my Abba Father and asked, “Why, Daddy, did I stay with the lame elephant for so long?”

“Because the nights were cold and the elephant was warm,” He replied.

“Then, Daddy, why did I buy a lame elephant in the first place?” I asked in confusion.

“Reach into your vest pocket, my Little Beth.” I reached into a pocket tucked deeply on the inside of my vest over my heart and pulled out a small leather pouch. I was amazed to see that it was filled with rubies, diamonds, gold and all manners of precious stones. All along all of these riches were within my reach.

“You didn’t take a COUNT of your worth, my precious little one,” said Abba warmly. “You did not know how truly valuable you are. That is why you bought a lame elephant. You could have had the best and the strongest if you would have only known your own self worth.”

Now, when I am feeling unsure, I put my hand over my heart and remember how precious I am to my Abba Father. I am comforted to remember that anything and all I need…my Abba Father has already provided for me…I remember how valuable I am because of Him.

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